Traditions

I am really sad that my squarespace is ending in 7 days. It was only a trial account and if I want to continue using it, I have to pay. Seeing as how I don't have any money right now, it seems like im going to have to stick with blogger. What I liked about squarespace was the simplicity of it all. It had easy to follow directions and pop up information. It would let me post from school which is a big plus. I had pictures up. It had spell check for me. It let me put things in bold and italic. Im sure blogger lets a person do some of these things too, its just that I haven't figured it out.

Today I went out and bought a Christmas tree. I recently got paid, so I finally had the money to do it. I had ornaments, garland, and a tree skirt that I had purchased a few months ago. All that was missing was a tree. Instead of going store to store to find the perfect tree, I did my homework online. I found that Lowes had higher prices but did offer a free home delivery service (which was benifical to me, seeing as I had no way to get the tree to my house), Target had some good prices, but the best one was at Home Depot. The closest Home Depot store is actually only a block away from my house, which seemed perfect. Now I had to figure out a way to get the tree to my house. Instead of calling someone to ask to borrow a truck, like my Mom advised my to do, I took the back seats out of my little suv. I figured thats what they were made for, and it turned out to be quite easy. My plan would have worked out perfectly if it hadn't been for the "sold out" 9 ft. slim Douglas fir 800 light tree at Home Depot. No biggie. I went across the street to Target where my back-up tree waited for me. I had planed on a 7.5 ft. tree...but when I was there I found an 8 ft. with a 10 year guarantee. It was fifty dollars more than the 9 ft. I had originally wanted, but it came with a free $25 target giftcard. I picked up several other items that I needed: a Christmas cd, mini "marsh-pillows" (<~~~like when I was little), hot chocolate, and a door wreath. I was homeward bound. It was raining. If you have read my other blogs, you would remember that I recently washed my car. Im not one of those people who always have to have a clean washed car. In fact, im the exact opposite. If only I hadn't invested so much time, I would have been able to park my car and walk away. But I didn't. I actually got down and dried it off. It still looks good. :)

So, a little back story of what it is like to spend Christmas with me. I usually am the one to start to put up the tree. Every year my I would make my family turn off all t.v.'s in the house and put on Christmas music, and drink hot chocoalte, and assemble the tree. They hated me for it. I would decorate the outside of the house to look like a house right out of one of those cheesy Christmas movies. Complete with candy canes, gingerbread men, and a customized garden sign that let everybodys know that "The Silva's" live here. The past few years I have been busy, so we have not had a tree for some time (or at least a decorated one), but thats a different story.

This is my first year away from home, and in my very own house. I wanted to continue my little tradition, even if it is by myself. I set up my tree, and played Christmas music (for a while) and after I finsh this blog I am going to make a cup of hot chocolate and sit on my couch and enjoy my accomplishment. I must say that it looks beautiful. The colors are gold and purple. My favorite color is purple and anyone who knows me, knows that. Its only fitting that I have a purple tree. I have to figure out a way to make my kitties leave the tree alone. I think they think, its a great big toy for them. Another thing I realized is that the entire tree is from Target. I mean everything...the tree itself, the garland, and every ornament. It could be an photographed for an ad.

I had a hard time deciding whether or not to buy a tree. I haven't been doing so well with money lately. In fact, I owe a lot on a credit card. The money used to buy the tree would have been a great help to pay some of it off. I had to really think what about my decision. I wanted to buy the tree, but it would be "right" to but the money in the bank. Someone told me that I should do what I wanted. To do what made me happy. To be honest, both would have made me happy in its own way. When I woke up this morning, I made up my mind to buy the tree. I love Christmas. The last few years I haven't had a tree. I missed it. I realized that having a tree would make me happy, in a way that saving money couldn't.

....................It's now Sunday. I choose not to finish my blog for various reasons....but I am pleased to note, as I am washing clothes here at my parents house, my parents are out right now buying a Christmas tree! Looks like I inspired them. LOL...Im just happy, and thankful that they are getting into the holiday spirit together.

Other topics.....
I am an emotional person. I get angry and you know. I get sad and you know. My Mom tells me that I wear my heart on my sleeve. I can't help it. I cry when I get angry. I don't think well when im hurt or angry. I react and then I step back and look at what I have done. It is something that I have tried to fix before, and I truly thought that I had gotten better. I know the right thing to do is to think before you react. I know this, but sometimes my feelings and emotions get the best of me. I sometimes think "why would anyone want to change this about me?" This is who I am. If I wasn't so emotional, would I be able to love, or care about people or issues as much as I do now? Would my heart over time, learn to become cold and bitter? I have often said "I wish I didn't care so much...because then it wouldn't hurt". I have thought about this over and over. Physical pain is your body's way of communicating with you. Then wouldn't emotional pain be your spiritual's way of letting you release and realize that you are in fact human? Isn't that what separates us from other lifeforms on this plant? Our emotions and our communication? If I had the choice to be over emotional or cold as ice, I would choose to be over emotional. Without a doubt. I love. I hurt. I get angry. I am happy. This is me, it always will be, ....and you know what?.....I hope it always is.