the musings and views of a life that is ambiguous and hazy but worth living :)
Learning to walk set you free. Learning to dance gives you the greatest freedom of all: to express with your whole self the person you are.
-Melissa Hayden

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Falling

I fell again today at work, while doing a stupid hip hop dance. Nothing hard! Just plain stupidity and weak ankles. At least it was the right one, and not the left that I had seriously sprained earlier this school year. I couldn't get up and the students were scared. They were very helpful though. They ran to the nurse and got an ice pack. I took off the next period, but then had to go to lunch duty and get lunch. I was limping but, walking okay. It wasn't till after school, where I choose to go run a mile, where the stupidity comes in to play. I thought that if I wrapped it up real good, that it wouldn't move around a lot. Why am I always wrong about this kind of stuff. About halfway through, it really began to ache. I could choose to turn around, but then it would be the same as completing the stupid run. So, I decided to finish, minus the extra lap around the pond to fully complete the mile. I'm putting ice on it as I type and now it's getting even harder to walk. I'm hoping it is just sore.

Yesterday I bought a plane ticket to D.C. It feels really good knowing that I'm going to see Marty in a couple of weeks. I miss him very much, and fear that I haven't been a very good girlfriend lately. I get angry very easily and thought it was because of all the stress I had been going through. I am truly sorry, and plan to make it up to him. I just hope he gives me a chance.

On another note, Grey's Anatomy is tonight. In about 10 mins it will start. I have been watching this show since the beginning, and am dying to find out what is going to happen.

Tomorrow is a field day for all the students who took the TAKS test. It is going to be filled with Sumo wrestling, Big Glove Boxing, Obstacle courses, Bungee jumps, and much much more. I don't remember having anything like that when I was in school. This is just a reward for showing up. I am in charge of the Big Glove Boxing game, which should attract a lot of students, and possibly some teachers. I am excited because last time I got put in charge of some crappy game, where no one came. The only downfall is that it is going to be hot tomorrow. I don't have sunscreen...only tanning lotion. Help!

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Trying New Things

So it feels really strange to come home during daylight hours. It almost seems normal. February TAKS has come and gone too...and soon April TAKS will be here. Spring Break is almost here, which I am looking forward to. I made a list of things to do during the week, just to feel like I am actually being productive, but the only thing that I have gotten around to doing ...is my grades. I have successfully caught up on some much needed sleep. This weekend I plan to do my Taxes, and get my massages that were given to me during Christmas. I definitely need to hook up with some girlfriends and go out. The alone time is kinda driving me a little crazy. Don't get me wrong, I like the new found time, I just don't want it to take me to a place where I don't want to be.

I'm trying to figure out why I am so happy in my afternoon classes. They are not better classes, or even better students for that matter. I wonder if it's because it's nearing the end of the school day, and I know soon that I will get to go home. Or is it that I am finally awake and functional during those classes? Either way, I need to figure out a way to be happy in the morning.

I don't have much to say considering that I wrote a lot yesterday. I'm trying some new things and I hope they work out. Speaking of work out...now that I have time, I need to seriously hit the gym. Oh yea....I don't have one....then I need to go to the duck park and run.

My lease for my car is due next month. I'm kinda scared. I don't know what I am going to get next. I love Land Rover, but with the new house, I'm not sure if I can stay with the company. I need to research some suv's. Any ideas anyone?

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

It's OVER!

It's finally over....the long practices, the yelling, the frustration.....it's all over. Competition has come and gone. I thought this would never come. I thought I would never wake up from my nightmare.....lol....ok....so it wasn't really that bad. I mean, I did actually have fun. We travelled to Houston, where the La Joya Jewelettes made history..... We competed at our very first MA competition. If anyone knows anything about dance competitions then you probably know that MA is one of the hardest. I had never been. I have been to Power Dance, American Dance Drill, even Showmakers, but this takes the cake. I'm talking about rich, super teams, 5'10 amazon tall white women, costumes that probably cost more than me, and that's just the start of it. In total there were 2 gyms, 1 auditorium, 2 dressing rooms per team, 2 entrances, a cafe, vendors who were selling Coach and Fendi bags [not real by the way....thanks Marty :) ], an MA store (where Directors get a discount), and practice space. Out of 360 soloist, 65 were in our High school category alone. 9 were to dance at the finals where, unlike ADT, they start at 0. Our little Mexican team did very well. We took home a Sweepstakes trophy for both Team and Officers, an outstanding award for our Military, and a Choreography award for our Kick. One out of our 4 soloists made it to the finals where she made La Joya proud. She came in 2nd runner up. Some thought that we would come home with nothing. I had higher hopes so I was a bit disappointed when we didn't get much at the beginning for our ensemble, but felt better after the Choreography award was called out. If you read previous blogs, you will notice that the kick was mine :) "thank you, thank you".....OK if you can't boast in your blog then when can you?

The trip started out pretty rocky. We stayed late the night before having a dress rehearsal. I didn't get home till late. I still had to burn music and pack. I procrastinated and decided to go to Wal-Mart for whatever I might need. It's a good thing I went because I found a 14 baby blue pins to put on our hideous ensemble dresses and a label maker program for the cd's that I was to burn (hey we might as well look professional) The CD's came out great and the pins did add to the costume, along with the help of Manny's creative touch. I packed and went to bed around 1:30. I set my alarm, but swear it didn't go off. The only reason I woke up at 4:30 was because Terri called me and asked for video tapes. I would have missed the bus. I bought a portable DVD player so I grabbed DVD's and was on my way. I forgot a blanket and a pillow, and it was freezing. Luckily we went up in a Charter Bus so it wasn't so bad, we had heat. The Bus Driver's name was Mr. Garza and thank goodness he spoke English. I guess I was expecting the usual school district bus driver....lost and unable to communicate with me. But he wasn't...he knew his way around, and was knowledgeable about the weather, and traffic conditions, and even construction on certain streets and highways. He did his homework and was very nice. He even showed us pictures of his daughters. We shopped at the Galleria, which I have never been to. I must go back and ice skate. I didn't shop much...and when I did it wasn't for me ...it was for the girls. We checked in to the hotel and ordered pizza. Then it was time for practice. After an exhausting night, Manny and I decided we needed super glue for the next day. We were supposed to put tiny ant-sized rhinestones on the outside of the girls eyes, and the only way they would stay on was to put them on with super glue. Bad idea. We went to bed around 2:00 because we stayed up to fix the ensemble dresses.

The next day was the longest day of my life. We woke up at 5:30. We got the girls on the bus and headed to the competition. We were a little late and our officers had to pay by having to rush to gym 2 for their Jazz dance. They were shook up about the performance, but didn't have time to worry about it, they needed to focus on the next dance. The Lyrical was next. It went OK.....then the Ensemble. One of our girls forgot her bloomers at the hotel. Luckily her mom was there to save the day by picking them up for her...but not so lucky with trying to find the competition. She didn't make it and our girl performed with black shorts underneath her see-through baby blue dress. Still no time to fret, more dances to come. Next was the Team Jazz, our weakest piece. The team actually surprised me. They looked clean, and it was the best I had ever seen them perform. I still saw mistakes, don't get me wrong, but I was pleased. After Team Jazz, was Team Military, our strongest one. It was the nicest costume and cleanest piece. The girls were awesome. Now for Team Kick, our last of the team category. I was a little stressed about this one because the girls had not had time to practice like they did for the other pieces. They were going out cold turkey and every time they do that they mess up. Not to mention the flips were at least someone usually falls on their booty. You can just imagine my anxiety. They did mess up, but it wasn't so bad. It wasn't very obvious. Only trained eyes could tell. You could tell some girls gave it their all. I was once again pleased. Almost over. Modern would sum up our Officer category. This was the best. It seemed as if we got better as the day progressed. I took the team - our soloist to pick up Whataburger. I made them eat in the bus because I wanted to get back in time to cheer on our solos. We made a pit stop to pick up pine cones. Some of the girls have never been out of the Valley, and the pine cones along with the squirrels were the highlights of their day. Our solos started at 6:00. Solo finals started at 8:45 and awards started at 10:00. We didn't get to the hotel until 11:30. I snuggled into my warm bed only to be woken up by girls knocking on our door. Turns out that some girls used the super glue we bought to put the rhinestones in their hair. 10 rhinestones to be exact. To make a long story short, some girls ended up with small round bald spots. (Didn't want to forget my brief onset with the super glue earlier that day....I super glued a girls eye shut....I know!....but all is well, she can open her eye....hey at least it wasn't as bad as Manny spilling Acetone in another girls eye.)

OK so I didn't go to sleep early that night either. I miss sleep. It was so nice. The next day, we went to First Colony Mall. It was less expensive than the Galleria, and here I finally got to shop for myself. I slept a little on the bus, thanks to Terri's sister who let me borrow a pillow and blanket(she lives in Houston). We even got home earlier than we thought.

I was so anxious to sleep in my own bed, but as soon as I put my feet in ...I felt something damp.....turns out my kitties were in my room while I was away, and decided to leave me a pee present. The drama never stops! I had just bought new sheets the weekend before, so it wasn't so bad. I washed everything that night and put it out to dry.

At school, the students have to take the TAKS test. FUN FUN FUN!

Now that I have time to breathe and write, I will keep you posted!

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Valentine's Day

To all you love birds out there Happy Valentine's Day! I celebrated a little differently. We (meaning "not me") decided to have practice on Wednesday. About a month ago, my parents were able to get a hold of Rent Tickets. I have seen the movie, but thought the live show would be much better. Needless to say, it was very good, and seeing the movie did help with the story lines. I left practice an hour early to rush to be there on time. The show lasted longer than normal musicals and by the end my parents and I were starving. We went next door to Taco Palenque, which was delicious and hit the spot. Marty came the weekend before Valentine's Day, so we could celebrate early. We also celebrated our 6 month anniversary. He got me Godiva chocolates and flowers. So sweet. I tried to make his gift as thoughtful as I could. I was going to send him a care package, but since he decided to surprise me by coming down, I gave it to him in person. Seeing his face made it all worth it.
Some of my student's gave me some gifts which were totally unexpected. Last year, at Memorial, I received a lot of gifts during Christmas, Valentine's and even as Going Away presents. Not that gifts mean how much a person cares, but they always knew how to make a teacher's day bright. Ever since I started working at the high school...much of that love is gone now. The student's just don't seem to care as much. Not holding anything against them, but I'm sure they have better things to do with their time. So, you can imagine that I was not expecting anything from anyone this Valentine's day, but I was very much surprised. Two officers where very sweet and gave me candy and a very cute stuffed zebra. A very special freshman gave me a malt-looking cup with a heart shaped straw filled with candies and a balloon on top. I say this freshman is special because I am always getting after her. She has so much talent and very little confidence. She is beautiful but never smiles because so is always so busy concentrating. LOL. She was sweet to remember her teacher on this day. I also received a Valentine from a Senior who I thought did not like me. We never really got along, until a Saturday practice where she told me she had a dream of me. After talking shortly, we were on much better (friendlier) terms. Those girls made my day.

Thursday, February 1, 2007

Pretty Kitty

It seems, lately, that happiness is a state of mind. I disagree with this statement. I feel happiness comes when you are not expecting it. You go about your life and in the end if you realize that you wouldn't change a thing, then you are happy. I am not arguing that happy people can't ever regret their actions or words. No, everyone has regrets. Everyone has made mistakes. It is what people do after those mistakes that truly shows a persons character.

I also found this....

How Happy Are You?
Happiness is a relative state of mind. Some of us would be content living in a cave, while others would be miserable in a mansion. Throughout the ages, philosophers have pondered the meaning of happiness. Is it a balance between need and satisfaction? A harmony between that which we desire and that which we receive? A baby? A sports car? However we define happiness, one thing is certain: We know it when we don't have it.

This quiz is based on the work of the late Dr. Theo F. Lentz, former director of the Character Research Association in St. Louis, Missouri. He conducted the largest study ever done on the topic of happiness. Lentz's subjects were men and women ranging in age from sixteen to fifty years, with a minimum of twelve years of education. From the data collected, Lentz composed a "happiness scale."
If you've ever wondered how you compare with others on the happiness scale, the following quiz might provide some answers.

http://www.chatterbean.com/ruhappy


I have been struggling at work lately. It's a push and shove game here at high school. Always pushing students to perform.
My high school dance director always used to say, "You don't need a title to be a star".
She meant this pertaining to dance. You don't need the title of an officer, to make people watch you. People see a person shine and their eyes are usually drawn to them. As I am thinking of her and high school, I can see her statement now pertaining to every day life. I think she was right on the money. I see so many good hearted people doing good things in the world, that never get noticed or complimented, but they do it anyway, because of who they are. I'm kinda changing topics here but roll with me.....
Shouldn't people perform acts of kindness without looking for a reward, or some sort of compensation?


Our dance Showcase was tonight.....One hoop down.....It actually went very well. The dancers seemed a lot more calm after performing at competition two weeks ago. Well, the middle school dancers anyway. As for the high school, we actually had to cut one of the team routines because it was not ready. There was even a girl who totally freaked out and was crying because that's how badly she did not want to perform. It left me disappointed but relieved at the same time. Our seamstress also came and measured our forty some girls.....(oh yea we are now down to 40 or less girls, due to failures, injuries, and attendance records). More stress. Even though my days have been getting longer, I don't feel like they are. It feels almost the same. THURS night: arrive home at 9:50 I literally work more than I should. Oh yea and not to mention for no credit. At the showcase all the directors names were called out and from what school they were from....except you know who....Yea it sucks....but hey....that no reward mentality is kicking in right about now. Who needs it? Right?

On another note....I no longer belong to a gym. To me that is a pretty scary thing. I called to see if my contract was up and I was informed that it was. If I didn't want to get billed anymore I would have to go in person and sign. I should of thought about that before I actually did it. I was just so happy about not spending 39.95 a month on something that I rarely go to. I don't go to the gym for various reasons: Not enough time in the day, too far away, and pretty much just laziness. I decided to check out a smaller gym that is located a block away from my house. Mind you, I went right after I cancelled my PUMP contract. First it is smaller than I expected. Second, no personal TV screens for you to plug your earphones into. Third, not very many machines. The only thing it did have going for it, was the jacuzzi and the sauna. It was actually hidden in the back and very nice. Only thing is....It is for both men and women to share. I'm sorry but I can't imagine sharing a sauna with a guy. Aren't we supposed to use towels and nothing else? It was also a lot more expensive with really really didn't help it out. Now I totally regret giving up PUMP.

February is here. A day to remember: Feb. 1,2007....The first time I talk to Ronnie in, like, what would almost be years. Ronnie is a good friend who has been MIA for a while. But, I at least wanted to mention him in my blog. We caught each other up on our lives.

Tomorrow is another hoop: The basketball game, where this time, the girls must perform. Yikes! Hopefully Saturday is uneventful. Superbowl Sunday. Yea for commercials! (The true reason I watch, oh yea and family time too!)

Next week Marty visits. I am really looking forward to that. I am writing what will be going on in the future because I may not get another chance to write for a while. Competition is not far away. I can't wait till it's over so I can finally breathe.

Monday, January 29, 2007

She's got the look


OK....I did it...I cut my hair....I think I look totally different!
You decide. In some ways I miss my old hair. In some ways I don't.

Competition is coming up. Deadlines are approaching. We have a Dance Showcase on Thursday (where all the schools in La Joya show off all the competition routines that they took to competition) AND a basketball game on Friday (where the girls are to perform three routines). I am literally pulling out my hair with stress. Some of these girls don't take it seriously. They are going to get their @ss kicked if they don't start focusing and working harder. I went solo on Friday and Saturday....meaning my director left to Houston to become an aunt. Never-the-less we got things done.

Work is not going so well. I had a parent conference last week and another this week. It's good that these parents are interested and involved, but if student's just did what they were supposed to, then everything would just mesh.

Mesh...a word from high school.....When I first heard it....I thought the guy sneezed....so polite me said, "Bless you" ....ya, really embarrassing.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Busy - Ness

OK...So, I know I haven't written in a really long time......but there is a very good reason for that....I am so incredibly busy right now its not even funny.
The holidays came and went, It is no longer 2006, and school has started again. The holidays were really fun. Marty came down and we spent every moment we could together. He is gone now, and I miss him more than ever. On the first week that we were back at school, I got in trouble. I wont go into specifics but...lets just say my principal was yelling. I also went to this legal workshop for Drill Team and Cheerleader Directors. One might think, "Oh, how can there possibly be any legal stuff to learn about drill team?" Well...let me tell you ...in La Joya ....people find ways. There has been so much drama and controversy lately that Teresa and I went to find out just how much people can push us around. Turns out not so much. People think they have a lot of power and by saying a few words or having connections think that they can possibly make someone else lose their job. Well now I am educated enough to say, "Stand in line!" LOL.....that was a little inside joke at the workshop.

This past weekend I cut my hair and dyed it back to brown. I was really nervous. I have had long hair for almost 8 years now, and had blonde highlights for the past 2 1/2. When I first went blonde, people looked at you differently, and treated you differently. I mean anything and everything changed. Peoples perceptions are often tied together with what you look like. It is a undeniable fact. First of all, having long hair (without color involved) deserves its own argument. Long hair = sexy. Short hair = serious. Look at a V.S. magazine. Name one model that has short hair. Look at all the famous news anchors. Name one with long flowing locks. Now color. Do blonde's really have more fun? I wouldn't be able to answer that fairly. I wasn't a total blonde. Just blonde highlights...but when I did shop at the mall, people assumed I was from Mexico and spoke Spanish to me. Why does a strawberry enter my mind at this moment? I know that when I went out, I felt confident. Will I lose that confidence? Has is been dyed and cut? Do I even need it? Or care? Or is it all in my head? Either way....I'm going back to my roots.

I took Bella and Jasper aka Frisky and Douglas to the vet today. They will be having operations done. My poor kitties. I feel like I abandoned them by dropping them off this morning. I also need to get another cage. They shared a tiny one, which literally had fur sticking out of it. The good thing is that they are getting pain medication to take home. We don't have practice today, so I get to pick them up right after school. I miss them already.

Its snowing in Austin, and it is reported to be traveling this way. I hope that it is and school will be cancelled, but with my luck, it probably wont even come this way. Still...it is wishful thinking

Even when I write I cant finish an entry......Update: My kitties came through ok...but Bella is very aggressive. She keeps growling and hissing at Jasper. Even charging and chasing him sometimes. I don't think she knows that Jasper went through surgury too and his was even worse because of complications. She wont hiss at me though. She even slept with me on the couch last night. I think she blames Jasper for everything she went through. I called the vet this afternoon to ask if this was normal or if I should be worried in any way. She said that Bella could just be upset at the situation and she could be taking it out on Jasper. Hmm... Do I see a pattern here? Girls being upset at something and then taking it out on someone they love? Anyway...she said if it doesn't go away in a few days to call again. I just want my kitties back to the way they were. Lovable and always in trouble.

Our school district didn't cancel classes. Boo. I wanted to look after the kitties and make sure they were ok. I also just wanted to stay home. My upper body is sore from push ups I have been doing with the students. There is a part in the dance where they have to do a handstand and I don't want anyone falling on their heads because of lack of arm strength. So, because I teach 6 classes a day, now I am sore.

This weekend I am planning to go the the Island with my mom for a drill team competition. I am going as a spectator this time. I attended last year but had to take care of two groups and I ran around like a crazy person. This year I am going for several reasons: To watch the La Joya middle schools battle it out, to watch Kellys and see how all the drama unfolded, to see what new routines and music ideas other teams have brought this year, and to scout what girls I want on my team next year. We are staying at the Radisson. A hotel I know very well, but when you have a drill team to watch, you very rarely get to stay at a place like that. So, I am looking foward to the weekend. Marty will be house sitting or should I say dog sitting. I wish I could be there with him.

I finally turned the heater on in my house. Two nights ago I turned it on for the first time. Then turned it off when I went to work. Then turned it on when I brought Bella and Jasper home, and I have had it on ever since. It is really nice. I hope I don't become addicted. As soon as the cold front passes by, I will turn it off.

Competition is coming up. We are sooooo not ready. Exactly one month away, and Three dances are still not done. I am so very nervous. This is why I have been so busy. Practice every day until 8 or 8:30 is not my idea of fun, but since we opted to have no practice during the holidays, now we are paying the price. I hope we do well but with teams that have had their dances since summer, I am positive it will be a tough compeititon. I don't think the girls realize that.